What do you have to know to be an auctioneer?

Lots

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What's ur emergency?

Goldfish: I forgot Goldfish 911: Forgot what Goldfish: WHO IS THIS Goldfish 911: I DON'T KNOW

Why didn't Isaac Newton drink wine?

He knew better than to drink and derive.

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What do you get when Steve Jobs hires and fires a lot of people in six months?

A: An Apple turnover.

Why are there a lot of problem gamblers in the Harry Potter universe?

Because they have a quidditch.