What grocery store does Charlie Sheen frequently visit?

Rite Aid

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What do you call a Christian who visits shrines?

A roamin' Catholic.

What time do philosophers like to visit the shopping mall?

At the Schopenhauer.

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Who's the best person to invite over for Christmas?

Charlie Sheen. Because you know it's GUARANTEED to be a white Christmas when he's around.

What do you call Charlie Sheen's brother if he were a financial advisor?

Emilio Investevez. Fun game/running joke friends in college used to play. Wondering if Reddit would enjoy the game too.

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What do you call a dad that works at a grocery store?

Baghdad

How much is the rent for this amazing apartment?

Ma'am, this is the wine aisle of the grocery store.