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Why did the tourist visiting Mexico bring Prolax and pepper spray?

They prevented hispanic attacks

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What did the surfer say when he visited Syria?

This place is totally radical!

Why do americans like to visit Rome so much?

Because it reminds them of home.

How's your visit in North Korea?

A: Can't complain ...

What do you get when you visit the dentist with a dollar?

Buck-teeth!

What did the gardener yell when his vegetarian friend visited?

Run Berry, run!

What do an Iraqi baby, an American president, and a homesick Brit visiting Jerusalem all want?

They all want either pees, peace or peas in the middle east.

What grocery store does Charlie Sheen frequently visit?

Rite Aid

Why did the vegan zombie visit the coma ward?

Because it only ate vegetables.

What do you get when you breed an elephant with a rhino?

A visit from the university board of ethics.

Why would anybody ever want to visit New Brunswick?

I hear their bowling alleys are pretty nice.

Why didn't you visit Chad?

Cause he wasn't my Niger.

Why do New Yorkers like to visit Minnesota?

Because that's where the mini apple is!

What time do philosophers like to visit the shopping mall?

At the Schopenhauer.

What do you get when you mix a cat and a blender?

A visit from the cops.

What is a Jamaicans favorite country to visit?

Yeahman

How does a blond cross the road?

A brunette is on a busy street across from a department store she needs to visit, and is looking for an intersection to cross over when she spots a blonde walking out of the store. The brunette waves and calls out over the traffic noise, "hey there! How do I get to the other side?" The blonde looks confused and calls back, "you ARE on the other side!"

What Does A Redneck Call It When He Visits His Cousin Outside His Town?

Entering the friend zone.

Why did the cookie visit the doctor?

He was feeling a little crummy.

What do you have to bring if you visit r/nsfwgifs?

Giffy Lube.

This joke may have profanity.

What were the Virgin Islands called, after Chuck Norris visited them?

The Islands

Why should you not visit the Ukraine with your fly unzipped?

Because if you don't, Chernobyl fall out!

What can you tell a black kid to do?

Go visit his family tree.

Why do Chinese tourists get disappointed when they visit America?

Because when they buy souvenirs they find out they were made in China.

Who's winning Went to visit my Granddad. He was watching a basketball game. "What's the score Gramps?

92 to 86." "Who's winning " I asked. "92"

Why did Leonardo DiCaprio visit Sesame Street?

It was his only chance to see an Oscar

Why did the rapper visit the urologist?

Because his flows were so sick.

Where does he visit first?

Crimea River

What do you call a black guy that visits r/jokes regularly ?

A masochist

Why don't nervous vegans visit Germany?

They fear the wurst!

What ward does Sauron visit in the hospital?

ICU

What did JFK say before going to visit Marilyn Monroe?

I choose to go to Marilyn's hotel room this night and do the naughty things, not because she is easy, but because I am hard.

How do you know when a white girl recently visited her friends grave?

There's Starbucks next to the headstone.

Why do endocrinologists visit brothels?

Because they are interested in whore moans.

This joke may have profanity.

What does Rob Schneider say when he visits Canada?

Yukon do it!

What's the best time to visit your Chinese dentist?

Tooth hurty

What's Quentin Tarantino's favorite place to visit?

http://www.wikifeet.com/

Which wiki do dyslexic pastry chefs claim to be trying to visit before getting arrested?

www.filopedia.org

Why did the programmer visit the city tour?

Because they were handing out guides for the deaf.

Where do black people stay when they visit Alaska?

A nigloo

When an ape visits his tailor what kind of a suit does he order?

A zoo-t suit!

Why did Walt Disney visit a mechanic?

He wanted to get his Car tuned

What country do cows love to visit?

Moo Zealand!

Why would an alien ever visit Roswell?

Fill in the blank or answer the question.

How can you tell if a dinosaur is visiting your house?

His tricycle will be parked outside.

What do you call a Christian who visits shrines?

A roamin' Catholic.

What do you call a black man visiting a zoo?

a family reunion

What do you call 5 black guys around 1 white guy?

A family friend paying a visit.

What city will Leo Dicaprio never visit ?

Osaka.

Why shouldn't you wear loose fitting shorts when visiting Ukraine?

Because Chernobyl fallout

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Complain Jokes More Complain Jokes

How many SJW's does it take to fix a lightbulb?

100. 100 who complain about the lightbulb oppressing them, and 1 man to actually do it.

What did the community do when there was an injustice involving law enforcement?

Black people took to the streets. White people took it to Reddit and complained about how nobody is doing anything about it.

Syria Jokes More Syria Jokes

What is the number 1 activity to do in Syria on Trip Advisor?

Leave.

How do you call the current situation in Syria?

Very syrias

Coma Ward Jokes More Coma Ward Jokes

Why did the vegan zombie visit the coma ward?

Because it only ate vegetables.

Where do cannibals get their vegetables from?

the coma ward.

Run Jokes More Run Jokes

Why does the Mexican Olympic team always do so badly?

Because anyone who can swim, run, or climb is already in America.

What do a Chinese tourist who got run over by a bus and a lobster have in common?

They're both crushed-asians

Bring Jokes More Bring Jokes

How do you know a homeless woman is menstruating?

If she's only wearing one sock. (This joke brought to you courtesy the homeless guy outside my local 7-11.) Edit: tweaked the punchline.

What Supreme Court decision applies to fishermen bringing a small boat to shore?

Row v. Wade

Mexico Jokes More Mexico Jokes

What if Superman landed in Mexico instead of Kansas?

He'd be an illegal alien.

Why did I quit my job in Mexico?

It didn't peso well.

American Jokes More American Jokes

What kind of tea did the American colonists want?

Liberty

Why Americans are so bad in geography?

They are taking the geography lessons from their Canadian neighbors in the south.

American President Jokes More American President Jokes

What do an Iraqi baby, an American president, and a homesick Brit visiting Jerusalem all want?

They all want either pees, peace or peas in the middle east.

How many American presidents does it take to change a broken lightbulb?

None, broken lightbulbs have the rights to be treated as a normal lightbulb.