Visit Jokes

Why did the tourist visiting Mexico bring Prolax and pepper spray?

They prevented hispanic attacks

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

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What did the surfer say when he visited Syria?

This place is totally radical!

Why do americans like to visit Rome so much?

Because it reminds them of home.

How's your visit in North Korea?

A: Can't complain ...

What do you get when you visit the dentist with a dollar?

Buck-teeth!

What did the gardener yell when his vegetarian friend visited?

Run Berry, run!

What do an Iraqi baby, an American president, and a homesick Brit visiting Jerusalem all want?

They all want either pees, peace or peas in the middle east.

What grocery store does Charlie Sheen frequently visit?

Rite Aid

Why did the vegan zombie visit the coma ward?

Because it only ate vegetables.

What do you get when you breed an elephant with a rhino?

A visit from the university board of ethics.

Why would anybody ever want to visit New Brunswick?

I hear their bowling alleys are pretty nice.

Couple's Daily Question Mug

Couple's Daily Question Mug

Coffee Mug

Why didn't you visit Chad?

Cause he wasn't my Niger.

Why do New Yorkers like to visit Minnesota?

Because that's where the mini apple is!

What time do philosophers like to visit the shopping mall?

At the Schopenhauer.

What do you get when you mix a cat and a blender?

A visit from the cops.

What is a Jamaicans favorite country to visit?

Yeahman

How does a blond cross the road?

A brunette is on a busy street across from a department store she needs to visit, and is looking for an intersection to cross over when she spots a blonde walking out of the store. The brunette waves and calls out over the traffic noise, "hey there! How do I get to the other side?" The blonde looks confused and calls back, "you ARE on the other side!"

What Does A Redneck Call It When He Visits His Cousin Outside His Town?

Entering the friend zone.

Why did the cookie visit the doctor?

He was feeling a little crummy.

What do you have to bring if you visit r/nsfwgifs?

Giffy Lube.

This joke may have profanity.

What were the Virgin Islands called, after Chuck Norris visited them?

The Islands

Why should you not visit the Ukraine with your fly unzipped?

Because if you don't, Chernobyl fall out!

What can you tell a black kid to do?

Go visit his family tree.

Why do Chinese tourists get disappointed when they visit America?

Because when they buy souvenirs they find out they were made in China.

Who's winning Went to visit my Granddad. He was watching a basketball game. "What's the score Gramps?

92 to 86." "Who's winning " I asked. "92"

Why did Leonardo DiCaprio visit Sesame Street?

It was his only chance to see an Oscar

Why did the rapper visit the urologist?

Because his flows were so sick.

Where does he visit first?

Crimea River

What do you call a black guy that visits r/jokes regularly ?

A masochist

Why don't nervous vegans visit Germany?

They fear the wurst!

What ward does Sauron visit in the hospital?

ICU

What did JFK say before going to visit Marilyn Monroe?

I choose to go to Marilyn's hotel room this night and do the naughty things, not because she is easy, but because I am hard.

How do you know when a white girl recently visited her friends grave?

There's Starbucks next to the headstone.

Why do endocrinologists visit brothels?

Because they are interested in whore moans.

This joke may have profanity.

What does Rob Schneider say when he visits Canada?

Yukon do it!

What's the best time to visit your Chinese dentist?

Tooth hurty

What's Quentin Tarantino's favorite place to visit?

http://www.wikifeet.com/

Which wiki do dyslexic pastry chefs claim to be trying to visit before getting arrested?

www.filopedia.org

Why did the programmer visit the city tour?

Because they were handing out guides for the deaf.

Where do black people stay when they visit Alaska?

A nigloo

When an ape visits his tailor what kind of a suit does he order?

A zoo-t suit!

Why did Walt Disney visit a mechanic?

He wanted to get his Car tuned

What country do cows love to visit?

Moo Zealand!

Why would an alien ever visit Roswell?

Fill in the blank or answer the question.

How can you tell if a dinosaur is visiting your house?

His tricycle will be parked outside.

What do you call a Christian who visits shrines?

A roamin' Catholic.

What do you call a black man visiting a zoo?

a family reunion

What do you call 5 black guys around 1 white guy?

A family friend paying a visit.

What city will Leo Dicaprio never visit ?

Osaka.

Why shouldn't you wear loose fitting shorts when visiting Ukraine?

Because Chernobyl fallout

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Rome Jokes More Rome Jokes

Where's the best place to explore?

Rome.

Why was math so easy in ancient Rome?

x always equals 10

Want Jokes More Want Jokes

Why does the boss put clocks under employee's desk?

Because he wanted them to work over-time

Why do police officers keep water in the automobile trunk?

Because they don't want the siren to die.

Vegetable Jokes More Vegetable Jokes

How many vegetables should you pull out of the ground in one day?

None

What is the only inedible part of a vegetable?

The wheelchair

Vegan Zombie Jokes More Vegan Zombie Jokes

Why did the vegan zombie visit the coma ward?

Because it only ate vegetables.

What do you call a vegan zombie?

A no-brainer.

Pee Jokes More Pee Jokes

What did the judge say to the attractive woman soaked in pee?

You're an eight.

Why can't you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom?

Because the pee is silent.

Home Jokes More Home Jokes

Why did Richard leave his home this morning?

For Harambe.

Why do americans like to visit Rome so much?

Because it reminds them of home.

Peace Jokes More Peace Jokes

What is the difference between Donald and a peace of sh..?

NOTHING....!!!

What do an Iraqi baby, an American president, and a homesick Brit visiting Jerusalem all want?

They all want either pees, peace or peas in the middle east.

Hispanic Attack Jokes More Hispanic Attack Jokes

Why does the American Border Patrol guard take Xanax?

To stop Hispanic attacks.

Why did the tourist visiting Mexico bring Prolax and pepper spray?

They prevented hispanic attacks