What if I sewed myself shut?

Doc: Suture self.

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Shut Jokes More Shut Jokes

When do you know a lawyer is telling the truth?

When his lips are shut.

How do you suffocate a redneck?

Tape his mouth shut.

Sew Jokes More Sew Jokes

What did they sew you up with?

My Dad laughing so hard - as he said "That's not funny!" Cat Gut

How many cats does it take to make a fur coat?

None! Cats can't sew!