What laxative did the constipated man ask for?

Poop-ease

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When she got in front of the judge he asked, "first offender?

She replied, "No. First a Gibson, second a Fender."

What does Shaggy ask himself when he's in a bind?

What would Scooby doo

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What's the difference between a poor marksman and a constipated owl?

One shoots and shoots but can't hit, and the other...

Why was the accountant constipated?

He couldn't budget.

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Why do laxatives always say 'Works gently, overnight'?

What if I want something that works violently right now "

Why do politicians take laxatives?

So they can speak more fluently