What's longer than most relationships these days?

This status.

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Day Jokes More Day Jokes

What happened to sneaking out and getting drunk in the woods?

Teenagers these days be all "I hate you mom I'm joining ISIS."

What is simultaneously the best and sh*ttiest way to start your day?

Pooping

Relationship Jokes More Relationship Jokes

What's a similarity between obese people, and my relationships with women?

They don't work out.

What do you call a relationship that never works out between guitarists?

No strings attached

Status Jokes More Status Jokes

What did the number do when it divided from its companion?

Changed its status from 'In A Relationship' to 'Single'.

What's longer than most relationships these days?

This status.