What's the difference between a kid and a joke?

A kid can joke but a joke cannot kid.

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What's the difference between a happy programmer and a sad programmer?

Hello, world" and "Goodbye, cruel world"

What's the difference between a pig and a ham sandwich?

You can get a prosecutor to indict the ham sandwich.

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How do you get a kid out from a microwave?

Please answer before my wife gets home!

Why do I love putting down kids without parents?

Cause endorphins make me feel good.

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What do you call a joke with no punchline?

Ba-dum-tss

Which profession has the worst sense of humour?

Well, chiropodists like jokes. But opticians like them .