Difference Jokes

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What's the difference between a bullet and a human?

A bullet doesn't miss Harambe

This joke may have profanity.

Dad Jokes: Over 600 of the Best (Worst) Jokes Around and Perfect Gift for All Ages! (World's Best Dad Jokes Collection)

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What's the difference between a married man and a bachelor?

A bachelor will go to the fridge, sees nothing he wants, and go to bed A married man will go the bed, sees nothing he wants, and go the fridge!

What is the difference between cancer and a Brazilian?

Cancer evolves, a Brazilian doesn't.

What's the difference between OP and eggs?

Eggs actually get laid.

What's the difference between someone unemployed and a gender-expert?

Nothing

What's the difference between a Hippo and a Zippo?

A Hippo is heavy and a Zippo is a little lighter.

What's the difference between a high and drunk driver?

The drunk driver goes through the stop sign, while the high driver waits for it to turn green.

What's the difference between an art student and a philosophy student?

A philosophy student asks you you want fries with that

What's the difference between a frog and a horny toad?

One goes "ribbit ribbit", the other goes "rub it rub it".

This joke may have profanity.

What's the difference between a chickpea and a lentil?

I wouldn't pay 50 to have a lentil on my face...

What is the difference between Reddit and children's television?

Children don't throw tantrums when there's a rerun of some content.

101 Tear-Off Lunchbox Notes with Laugh-Out-Loud Jokes for Kids, Funny Inspirational Encouragement for Kids, Space to Write Personal Message

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What's the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus?

It only takes one nail to hang up the picture.

What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?

Everyone can roast beef, but no one can pea soup.

What's the difference between a duck?

One leg is both the same.

What's the difference between a garbanzo pea and a chick pea?

I've never had a garbanzo pea on my face.

What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a Xbox?

They're both made of plastic, and little kids turn them on.

What is the difference between a 3D modeller and a gamer?

Ask them what a 3Ds is.

What's the difference between Beyonce and a shopping bag?

A shopping bag can carry a child.

What's the difference between the G-Spot and Jack Daniels?

I'll actually look for the Jack Daniels.

This joke may have profanity.

Whats the difference between a USB and the USA?

One has standards.

What's the difference between bullets and everyone ?

Everyone misses Harambe.

The Big Book of Silly Jokes for Kids

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What is the difference between a good joke and a bad joke?

Timing

What's the difference between a circus and a whore house?

My dad didn't meet my mom at a circus or take me their when I turned 5

This joke may have profanity.

What's the difference between Jesus and the chicken that crossed the road?

Jesus died on the cross

What's the difference between a priest and his dog?

One wears pants and a collar while the other wears a collar and pants.

What's the difference between Joe Paterno and Harambe?

Harambe tried to save the kids.

What's the difference between a Chinese man and a lobster under a bus?

Nothing. They're both crustacians.

What's the difference between a Native American and a white baby?

A voice.

What's the difference between a semicolon and a cat?

One has a pause at the end of it's clause, the other has claws at the end of it's paws.

How can you tell the difference between a thermometer and a rectal thermometer?

The taste.

What's the difference between a dead baby and a Porsche?

I've never been inside a Porsche. Nor do I have 12 Porsches in my garage.

Minecraft: The Official Joke Book

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What's the difference between a stubbed toe and an Asgard hero?

Nothing they are both Thor.

What's the difference between a doctor and God?

God doesn't walk around thinking he's a doctor.

What is the difference between 1 Gb and 2 Gb?

Student - Well, I don't know. I guess one is a bit too high?

What's the difference between the holocaust and a jolly-good fellow?

Nobody can a jolly-good fellow!

What's the difference between a Swedish jam band and slam dunking a baby?

One's a Swedish Phish and the other's a fetus swish

What's the difference between my job and my boss's daughter?

I'm not coming into work today

What's the difference between a tv remote and a newborn?

You can't play football with the remote.

What's the difference between snowman and snow woman?

Snowballs.

What's the difference between an orphanage and a beach ball?

You won't go to prison for blowing up a beach ball.

Whats the difference between a pregnant woman and a lightbulb?

You can unscrew a lightbulb.

What's the difference between an enzyme and a hormone?

You can't hear an enzyme.

What's the difference between a whore and a truck?

The truck can only take the load from behind where as the whore can take it from anywhere.

This joke may have profanity.

What is the difference between Michael Jackson and a paper bag?

One is made of plastic and is very dangerous for little kids to play with. The other carries groceries.

What's the difference between a bench and a black guy?

A bench can support a family of four.

Whats the difference between a truck full of bowling balls and a truck full of dead babies?

You can't use a pitchfork on the bowling balls.

What the difference between a nun in a bathtub & a nurse in the bathtub?

One has soul full of hope & one has a hole full of soap... I'll walk myself out, sorry first post here

What is the difference between me and being artistic?

The second letter.

What's the difference between in-laws and outlaws?

Outlaws are wanted people

What is the difference between St. Patrick and Christopher Columbus?

One drove all the snakes from Ireland, the other drove away all of the Native Americans.

What's the difference between a woman and a gun?

Guns don't move out when you bring a new one home.

What's the difference between my broken watch and a lesbian?

My watch hasn't got a strap on.

This joke may have profanity.

What's the difference between a baby and an unwanted baby?

One's a rugrat, the other's a regret.

What's the difference between Frenchmen and some toast?

You can make soldiers out of toast!

Whats the difference between american women and middle eastern women?

American women get stoned before they commit adultery..

What's the difference between a republican and a democrat?

How much damage can their Weiner make...

What's the difference between a magic show and a brothel?

Ones a cunning array of stunts. . .

What's the difference between a Canadian and an American?

Canadian knows the difference between a school and a shooting range.

What is the difference between a baby and a feminist?

The baby grows up and learns to stop crying.

What's the difference between Isaac Newton and the dead baby in my microwave?

Isaac Newton died a virgin

What's the difference between a white guy and a pizza?

A pizza doesn't shoot up a school.

What's the difference between pink and purple?

The grip.

What's the difference between a stoner and a Muslim?

When stoners are smoking, they don't explode.

What's the difference between an Ethiopian elevator sign and an British elevator sign?

British sign says " Maximum 6 People/500kg" Ethiopian sign says "Maximum 500 People/6kg"

What's the difference between a well dressed bicyclist and a poorly dressed unicyclist?

Attire.

What's the difference between a spitter and a swallower?

10 lbs of pressure on the back of the head.

What is the difference between a normal and an irradiated cat?

Irradiated cats have 18 half-lives

Whats the difference between a G-spot and a golf ball?

A guy will actually search for a golf ball.

This joke may have profanity.

What's the difference between a feminist and a gun?

Some people are against shooting guns.

What's the difference between garbage and a girl from New Jersey?

Garbage gets picked up!

What's the difference between snowmen and snow women?

Snow balls. Ha

Whats the difference between 8 and negative four?

Tyrone

What's the difference between refrigerator and a child?

Refrigerator doesn't have a 'd' in it.

What's the difference between the Pro Bowl and a typical church?

In the Pro Bowl, they give ten percent.

What's the difference between tired and exhausted?

When you run in front of a car you get tired. When you run behind a car you get exhausted.

What's the difference between Phil Collins and Germany?

We stopped Germany.

What's the difference between Pizza and your opinion?

I asked for Pizza #KingOfjokes

What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket filled with manure?

The bucket

What's the difference between a feminist and a spear?

A spear has a point!

What's difference between Jesse Owens and Adolf Hilter?

Owens can finish a race.

What's the difference between a baby and a kilo of Coke?

Eric Clapton wouldn't let a kilo fall out of a window

What's the difference between you and a mallard with a cold?

One of you is a sick duck, and I forget the rest, but your mother's a whore!

This joke may have profanity.

What's the difference between a New Yorker and a Canadian?

A New Yorker takes the A train; a Canadian takes the train, eh.

What is the difference between a dog and a cat?

Kevin still doesn't know.

What's the difference between a captain and a lt.col ?

A major difference.

What's the difference between Turkey and Duck?

Duck doesn't deny the Armenian Genocide.

Whats the difference between Electricians and Technicians?

You don't have electricians that are colour blind!

Whats the difference between a hippie and a trampoline?

You take your boots off before you jump on a trampoline.

What's the difference between a camera and a foot?

A camera has photos and a foot has five toes. (Told to me by a 9 year old child I work with)

Whats the difference between dynamite and a banana?

banana is yellow,dynamite is red

What is the difference between Elon musk and Tony Stark?

Stark industries has actually turned a profit

Whats the difference between a terrorist and a woman with PMS?

You can negotiate with a terrorist.

What's the difference between Sugar and Sweet'N Low?

Sugar is on the lips. :-)

What's the difference between novocaine and an index finger?

One's a digit divisible by two, the other is a prime number.

What's the difference between justice and relevant ethnic groups in America?

Justice isn't always black and white

What's the difference between Joan of Arc and a canoe?

Question: What's the difference between Joan of Arc and a canoe? Answer: One is Maid of Orleans and the other is made of wood.

What's the difference between Eric Clapton and a snooker player?

One plays with an electric guitar, the other a-cue-stick.

What's the difference between a black guy and snow tires?

Snow tires don't sing when you put their chains on.

What's the difference between jam and jelly?

You can't jelly someone into a wood chipper.

What's the difference between a guitarist and a pizza?

A pizza can feed a family of four

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Person Jokes More Person Jokes

How do you fit 50 elephants into a subway station?

You take the letter "f" out of the word "way" (there's no f in way) *joke works best when the person being asked the question has to think about it for some time and says the phrase themselves without realizing what they said

What do you get when you cross a dyslexic, agnostic and an insomniac?

A person who stays up all night contemplating the existence of dog.

Watermelon Jokes More Watermelon Jokes

Whats the difference between a watermelon and a baby?

One is fun to smash with a sledgehammer and the other one is a watermelon

What do you call a melon that's had a bit too much to drink?

A Watermelon...

Acknowledge Jokes More Acknowledge Jokes

What do Catholics and Baptists have in common?

Neither acknowledge their fellow church-goers at the liquor store.

How many dead bodies do I have to leave on the porch before they acknowledge me?

Cats

Booze Jokes More Booze Jokes

How do Ghosts get Drunk?

Booze.

What's the difference between a Baptist and a Catholic?

Catholics acknowledge each other in the liquor aisle. Extra: What's the difference between Catholics and Lutherans? Catholics just acknowledge each other in the liquor aisle, Lutherans have a 15 minute conversation about booze.

Baptist Jokes More Baptist Jokes

What's the difference between a Catholic and a Baptist?

A Catholic will say hello when he sees you in the liquor store.

What's the difference between a Catholic and Baptist?

A Catholic will say hello to you in a liquor store.

Ask Jokes More Ask Jokes

What did Chris Christie say when asked if he had plans to run in the 2016 presidential election?

After giving it a substantial amount of thought and discussing it with my advisors, I've decided against it. I mean, I'd love to, and I appreciate those who'd support me, but I feel like I wouldn't be able to take the stress mentally- and physically." After being asked what physical stress he'd experience, he responded: "I don't think I'd be able to handle that much running."

How many PA's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: Nine........one to do it and eight others to wish they'd been asked.

Weasel Jokes More Weasel Jokes

What's the difference between a weasel and a stoat?

One's weasily recognised - the other's stoatally different

What do you get when you cross a weasel with a whale?

A reprimand from the Scientific Ethics and Integrity Committee and an immediate withdrawal of your grant funding.

Canadian Jokes More Canadian Jokes

Why did the Canadian DJ turn down a gig at a local gym?

Because why MC, eh

How do you get a Canadian to quit smoking cigarets?

You ask him politely.