When my family says things like...why don't you have kids yet?

I say "Because I didn't get drunk & do the football team, Sasha."

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Kid Jokes More Kid Jokes

What's the best part of having a kid?

The chewy center.

Why didn't the feminist shave her arm pits?

Just kidding, just wanted to rile a few people up. But if you want to have a punchline contest, feel free.

Thing Jokes More Thing Jokes

Why aren't you doing very well in history?

Because the teacher keeps asking about things that happened before I was born!

What was the last thing that went through the Sandy Hook child's mind?

A bullet. I apologize if that joke was aimed for a younger audience. I love Sandy Hook jokes, they never get old. Just like those children.

Family Jokes More Family Jokes

Why did the watermelon and the honeydew decide to cancel their spontaneous wedding in Las Vegas?

They realized with a family like theirs, they really Cantaloupe.

What do you call a 2x4 that lost its family to a fire?

mourning wood

Football Team Jokes More Football Team Jokes

What do you call 5 black guys and a white guy?

A basketball team. What do you call 9 black guys and a white guy? A baseball team. What do you call 11 black guys and a white guy? A football team. What do you call 100 black guys and a white guy? A cell block

Which football team loves ice-cream?

Aston Vanilla!