Family Jokes

He had a ruff week.. His life wasn't purrfect. His brother was a shellout. His mother's been a real crab lately. His family was really shellfish. He had no porpoise in life.

What's the difference... between a (nationality, ethnicity, etc you want to make fun of) man and a large pizza?

A large pizza can feed a family of four.

What did the bartender say to the horse?

bartender: Why the long face Horse: My alcoholism is destroying my family.

Why did I join Twitter?

Well I was sick of only being hated by coworkers and family so I wanted to branch out.

What did I do before Twitter?

Well, there's my family and......OH MY GOD WHERE'S MY FAMILY ! !

What do a car, a bus, and a family have in common?

The car and the bus both have wheels.

Why can't the Muslim crossdresser feed his family?

He lost hijab.

Why did the family not laugh at the Obstetrician's joke?

Because he screwed up the delivery...

Why did Chris Benoit quit wrestling?

He wanted to hang with his family.

When my family says things like...why don't you have kids yet?

I say "Because I didn't get drunk & do the football team, Sasha."

Whats the difference between a pizza and a black man?

A pizza can feed a family of 4 (I'm black so I can say this)

Whats the difference between a Mexican and a Pizza?

A pizza can feed a family of four. Im sorry if I've offended any pizzas.

What is the difference between a call center job and a large pizza?

A large pizza can feed a family of four.

What's the difference between a musician and a bag of rice?

The bag of rice can feed a family of four.

Whats the difference between a black man and a picnic table?

A picnic table can support a family of four

When you guys describe me to your families do you use the word tigress?

I'd prefer if you included tigress

What do you get when you cross an apple with a Christmas tree?

A pear. P.s. got this joke in a cracker. If anybody gets it can you please explain it. My family is stumped.

What's the difference between a folk singer and a pepperoni pizza?

A pepperoni pizza can actually feed a family of five.

What is the difference between an art student and a dead baby?

The dead baby can feed a family of four.

What family does the octopus belong to?

Pupil: Nobody I know!

Why did the chicken love Campbell's Soup?

Because his family had stock in the company.

Where is potatoes?

This winter is very cold. Family is starve.

What do you call a family of 8 rabbits?

One rabbyte

What are you gonna argue about with your family this Thanksgiving?

1. Minimum wage 2. Police reform 3. Why are there raisins in this, Louise

Whats the difference between a black man and a dining room table?

A dining room table can stay and support a family of four.

What is the difference between a feminist studies major and a pizza?

The pizza can feed a family of four.

What's the difference between a black man and a picnic table?

A picnic table can support a family of 4.

What is the hardest thing to do after starting a family?

Ending them.

What's the difference between a drummer in a rock'n'roll band and an extra large pizza?

The extra large pizza can feed a family of four.

What would be the worst possible thing to see on Reddit after losing your family in a car crash?

removed (two children)

What's the difference between a liberal arts major and a pizza?

The pizza can feed a family.

Why are families only allowed 1 child in China?

The government is opposed to euthanasia.

What has four wheels and can't support a family?

A liberal arts major. I lied about the wheels.

How do I make a St. Patrick's Day mocha?

He says Irish coffee is the only thing keeping this family together

Which family in Game Of Thrones fell down the stairs?

The Bannisters

Whats the difference between a dead baby and a black man?

A dead baby can feed a family of four

What is the difference between a PhD in mathematics and a large pizza?

The pizza can feed a family of four

What was the problem?

ME: The packing implied that there would be a family that loves me inside the tent

Who got only one visitor his entire life, got banished from the family and still lurks around with hope?

Pluto.

Why the hate for necromancers?

T They're just trying to raise a family.

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Family Jokes

Why are Alabama weddings so small?

What's the difference between a bench and a black guy?

What did the pumpkin say after waking up his family?

What's the difference between a guitarist and a pizza?

Why did the black man try to break into jail?

When Chris brought over his musl*m girlfriend to meet the family, what did they say?

What's the difference between an arts graduate and a pizza?

What's the worst part about admitting to your friends and family you play PokemanGo?

What's the best part about being an orphan?

What do people and pizza have in common?

What is the difference between a black man and a couch?

Why is there all this hate against necromancers?

Why did the watermelon and the honeydew decide to cancel their spontaneous wedding in Las Vegas?

What's the difference between a large pepperoni pizza and an Art History degree?

Why did my family serve Eggs Benedict on a hubcap for Christmas breakfast?

What are your favorite jokes for the Holidays?

What do you call a family in which everyone from grand parents to grand kids smoke weed?

What do you call a family that runs a gas station?

What the difference between a Mexican and a bench?

What do you call a family of Orthopaedic doctors ?

What did the orphan get for Christmas?

What do you call a tree that lost its family in a forrest fire?

Why did the cab driver did not get time for his family?

Where did the frog say his family came from?

What's the difference between a raft guide and a large pizza?

What can an elevator do that a black man can't?

What's the difference between a large pizza and an art student?

Why did the trout go to med school?

What do paper towels call their family?

What do you call a British midget mother who can barely support her family?

Why did the plumber cry?

Why did so many people show up to see the cannibal get cremated?

What did the boulder say to the other boulder?

What do you call a 2x4 that lost its family to a fire?

What's the difference between a Mexican and an elevator?

What's the worst thing for a cannibal to say to a friend?

What do you call a family of redheads?

Why was the animal unhappy?