Whenever I get to a restaurant and they say there is a wait I say "do you know who I am?

because while I wait I like to be introspective

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Know Jokes More Know Jokes

Why are Mumford &amp Sons the only agnostic rock band?

Because they don't even know if they believe.

How long does it take a baby to die in the microwave?

I don't know, I lose track of time when I have an erection.

Like Jokes More Like Jokes

How is the world like a bag of jellybeans?

Nobody likes the black ones.

What do you call an astronaut that doesn't like being touched?

A personal space man

Restaurant Jokes More Restaurant Jokes

What did the Mexican... What did the Mexican man order at the country musician themed restaurant?

A Reba!

What did the newly paroled French prisoner name his restaurant?

Attempted Crepe

Wait Jokes More Wait Jokes

Why do pro gamers get up at 1:37pm?

Because it's 13:37! I came up with this last night and have been waiting to post it until 1:37pm my time.

What happened when the two lovers were watching a scary movie in a year when Valentine's day happened to fall on Friday the 13th?

Oh wait, nevermind. I'm an idiot...*