Where do you find a down-and-out octopus ?

On squid row !

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How can you reduce the possibility of having an accident?

A: Be too drunk to find your keys.

What if they found the face of Jesus in a piece of toast but it was actually Jesus?

This is my body, I'm nice with jam."

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What's an octopuses favourite latin saying?

Squid pro quo!

What do you get when you mix an octopus with a black guy?

Idk but it sure as hell can pick cotton