Octopus Jokes

How many tickles does an octopus like?

Ten-tickles

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What do you call an octopus that loves jokes?

A knock-knocktopus.

What do you get when you cross an octopus and a lion?

A stern rebuke from the ethics committee and an immediate withdrawal of funds.

What do you get when you cross a cow with an octopus?

Reprimand from the university ethics board and immediate withdrawal of all research grants.

What do you get when you combine a black guy and an octopus?

nobody knows actually but it will be perfect for picking cotton.

What do you get when you mix an octopus and a Mexican?

I don't know, but it sure can wash a lot of dishes.

Where does an octopus go to buy shoes?

Inke

What do you get when you mix a Mexican and an octopus?

I don't know, but it sure can wash a lot of dishes.

What do you get when you mix a Mexican with an octopus?

I dont know, but it sure as hell can pick apples.

How did the octopus go to the war?

Well armed...

What do you get when you mix an octopus with a black guy?

Idk but it sure as hell can pick cotton

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Who would win a fight between an octopus and a shark?

The octopus because it is well armed.

What does an octopus have ten of?

Tickles...

What happened to the octopus in the football game?

He had tentackles.

What do you call a Mexican crossed with an octopus?

I don't know, but it sure can pick lettuce.

How does an octopus go to war?

Well-Armed

What do you get if you cross a black man with an octopus?

I don't know, but it's damn good at picking cotton.

What animal do I respect most?

The octopus. I have no idea what to do with my hands most of the time, and I only have two of them.

How did Paul, the octopus, originally die?

Torres went and asked Paul proudly, "How many goals will I end up with after thia this World Cup " Paul died laughing.

What is an octopus?

An eight-sided cat.

What do you get if you cross a black person with an octopus?

I don't know but it would be excellent at picking cotton.

What do you call an octopus that fights sharks?

An octobrave. I'm sorry.

How does an octopus make you laugh?

With ten-tickles

Why couldn't the octopus take off her bra?

It had suction cups.

What do you get when you cross an octopus with a cow?

A stern rebuke from the Ethics Committee, and an immediate cessation of funding.

What doesn't belong in this group, A lobster, an octopus, a crab, or a chinese man under a bus?

The octopus, obviously, the three others are crustaceans.

Why are you baking octopus?

So I can get octopi.

What sound does an octopus make?

A squid word.

What did one octopus say to the other octopus?

Will you hold my hand hand hand hand hand hand hand hand

What's an octopuses favourite latin saying?

Squid pro quo!

What happens if you cross an Ape with an octopus?

You get a fur coat with lots of sleeves!

What did the angry octopus say to the octopus that made him mad?

POW POW POW POW POW POW POW POW Right in the kisser!

What did the octopus make for desert?

Octopie

How may tickles does it take to make an Octopus laugh?

Tentacles!

What is a gathering of octopus called?

Octoposse

What's wet and wiggly and says how do you do sixteen times?

Two octopuses shaking hands.

Why couldn't the octopus stop laughing?

Because it had ten tickles

Why are octopuses so dangerous?

Because they TENTACLE.

What do you get when cross a black man and a octopus?

I don't know but I'm sure he could pick the hell out of some cotton.

What family does the octopus belong to?

Pupil: Nobody I know!

What do you call an octopus that's missing one tentacle?

Octopus Prime.

What do you call the offspring of a black man and an octopus?

I don't know but it sure can pick a lot of cotton.

What do you get if you cross a cow with an octopus ?

A cow that can milk itself !

What do you call an area where an Octopus is sitting?

Octopied

What do you get when you cross a duck with an octopus?

Fired and blacklisted from the genetics industry.

How do you know you're always about to have fun in the company of an octopus?

Because it's always ten-to-cool time...

Where do you find a down-and-out octopus ?

On squid row !

What gave you that idea?

queried the octopus. "Oh, I have inside information" said the whale.

How many tickles does it take to tickle an octopus?

Ten-tickles!

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight?

Because it was well armed.

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You get off.

Which one is the odd one out; a Crab, a Tuna, a Chinese man run over by a bus or a Lobster?

A tuna, because the rest of them are crustaceans.

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What do you get when you cross a cow with an octopus?

Reprimand from the university ethics board and immediate withdrawal of all research grants.

What do you get when you cross an octopus and a lion?

A stern rebuke from the ethics committee and an immediate withdrawal of funds.

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What does a cow ride when his car is broken?

A COW-asaki MOO-torcycle!

What magazine makes cows stampede to the newsstand?

Cows-mopolitan!

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What do snakes write on the bottom of their letters?

With love and hisses.

Why do rappers love weed so much?

Because the majority of their relatives used to pick it

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What makes an octopus laugh?

ten-tickles

How do you make an octopus laugh?

Give it ten tickles

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What's the perfect name for a salon run by a couple of lesbian nuns?

Scissor Sisters *ba-dum-tiss*

What's the worst time of the year for the Slinkies factory?

Spring break. BA DUM TISS

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How do you choose a stupid policeman from a group of policemen?

At random.

What do you call a group of scientologist almonds?

Nuts.

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Why do they put half of the instructions in Spanish?

It drives me crazy. I feel like I am missing out on important information. They should put the whole thing in one language.

Who is missing an egg?

there are 27 people in the room but on 53 eggs, you know what that means, someone is missing an egg.