How can you reduce the possibility of having an accident?

A: Be too drunk to find your keys.

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What kind of fish can you find in a hospital?

A sturgeon.

How did you find the fleas?

Beagle: I didn't! They found me!

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How many monkeys does it take to write a Shakespeare novel by accident?

As many as it takes submitters to write an original joke. (by accident)

What do you need to teach a blonde who never had an accident in 20 years?

Second gear.

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Why do fish always sing off key?

You can't tuna fish.

What's the key to a Pirate Opera?

The High Cs

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How can you reduce the possibility of having an accident?

A: Be too drunk to find your keys.

How many possibilities does a man with no arms and legs have?

Limbitless

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Why do bad break-dancers get reduced prison sentences?

Time served

Why did the mathematician celebrate 4/20 on January 5?

Because he knows how to reduce fractions.