Who did the philosophy major ask out for the Halloween dance?

Nobody. He was too 'Freud.

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When someone asks "You know what I think?

I say "Yes I do". End of discussion.

How do people in other countries tell if kids are using drugs?

Here in the U.S. we just ask them how many grams are in an ounce.

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What can I do about it?

Hire yourself out for Halloween parties.

Why is Halloween considered the scariest time of the year?

Most weddings happen in June.

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Why was Freud a bad poker player?

he would always go all Id.

Why did Freud hurt his shoulder?

He made a Freudian slip

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What does the Philosophy major say a year after he graduates?

Would you like fries with that "

What's the difference between a Philosophy major and a cashier at KFC?

A job application.