Who is going to win tonight's presidential election?

The Voyager Probe, speeding away from Earth at 38,000 mph.

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Earth Jokes More Earth Jokes

What do you call a fissure in the earth that houses old Russian rulers who like to mock others ironically?

Tsar-Chasm

Why does Darkwing Duck wear a mask?

You are a duck. No one could identify you without describing every other duck on earth.

Win Jokes More Win Jokes

Why are all those people running?

A: Why are all those people running B: They are running a race to get a cup. A: Who will get the cup B: The person who wins. A: Then why are all the others running

Why can't Mexicans win the Olympics?

Because every one that can run, jump or swim has already crossed the border.

Speed Jokes More Speed Jokes

Why was the Muslim arrested for speeding during Ramadan?

Because he was going *to fast*!

What do you call a speeding vegetable?

Michael Schumacher.

Tonight Jokes More Tonight Jokes

How did the mystic respond when asked what he's doing tonight?

Your mommmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

How does a yoga instructor turn down an invite?

Namaste home tonight.