Why can't you tell jokes to kleptomaniacs?

Because they always take things, literally.

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How do mute people tell each others secrets?

They put on mittens.

How can you tell the difference between a crocodile and an alligator?

One you'll see in a while, the other you'll see later. Credit to Mitch hedburg

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Why can't Bernie Sanders win the election?

Because 12 year olds can't vote. Edit: I'm actually somewhat of a Bernie supporter, I'm just joking about how he has a lot of youth backing him.

Why can't you tell jokes in base 8?

Because 7, 10, 11!

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Why don't kleptomaniacs get jokes?

Because they take everything literally.

How are an armless man at a buffet and a kleptomaniac the same?

They just can't help themselves.