Why can't you tell jokes to kleptomaniacs?

Because they always take things, literally.

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How many times did I tell you to make your bed?

Jane: I can't answer. I didn't know I was supposed to keep count!

How do soldiers tell if a woman is a genuine Red-Head?

If it's red on top, fire in the hole.

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What's the difference between Batman's parents and jokes about Batman's parents?

Jokes about Batman's parents can get old.

What happens if you're late to extremophile school?

You get a tardy grade. ( that explains the joke if you don't get it.)

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What do you call someone who takes everything literally?

A kleptomaniac!

What do you call someone who takes things literally?

A kleptomaniac!