How many times did I tell you to make your bed?

Jane: I can't answer. I didn't know I was supposed to keep count!

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Bed Jokes More Bed Jokes

What type of cheese lives under your bed?

Muenster.

How is my wife doing?

Doctor: I'm so sorry. The accident has left her in a vegetative-like state and I don't think she'll ever recover. She can barely move her limbs, if at all, and will be confined to a bed or wheelchair without the ability to ever walk again. You'll need to care for her 24/7, clothe her, feed her, bathe her, and she'll have no control of her bladder or bowels. Again, I'm so, so, sorry... ..... ..... ..... Just kidding! She's dead.

Know Jokes More Know Jokes

Whats the difference between ignorance and apathy?

I dont know and I dont care.

How do you know that the drum riser is level?

The drummer dribbles out of both corners of his mouth

Answer Jokes More Answer Jokes

What rings twice and screams once?

Ray Charles answering the iron

What did you ask to Santa Claus this year?

The other one answers: -Oh fifty dollars, like everybody else, why

Tell Jokes More Tell Jokes

What did the mole say when someone told him there were entire above-ground civilizations?

Holy moley, I didn't know that!"

What's the difference between a carpenter and a construction worker?

30 IQ points. This, as any carpenter will tell you, isn't a joke.

Time Jokes More Time Jokes

What time does Sean Connery show up at Wimbledon every year?

About tennish.

Why did people use insulation containing deadly toxins?

It was asbestos they could do at the time!

Count Jokes More Count Jokes

Why does BuzzFeed skip every other number when counting?

They literally can't even.

How do Filipinos count money?

One-a two-a three-a four-a another-a ...

Suppose Jokes More Suppose Jokes

Why did the girls fall off the swing?

Someone threw a fridge at her. It's not supposed to make sense

Why are MMA fighters told not to blow their nose when in a fight?

Oops, this was supposed to be for . There's no punch line!