Why did Ted get fired from his job?

Because he would only do the minimum?

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Fire Jokes More Fire Jokes

What screams, wails, and lights up?

A bus-load of babies on fire.

What do Alicia Keys, Katniss Everdeen, and Joan of Arc all have in common?

They're all girls on fire.

Job Jokes More Job Jokes

Where you see yourself in 5 years?

Doing your job. "And me " Jobless and upset about the divorce "OMG" *runs out crying*

Why did the man get a job as a horse handler?

He wanted stable employment

Ted Jokes More Ted Jokes

Why did did the convicts escape?

Billy Eichner has a theory... Billy Eichner says I bet those escaped convicts are going to see Ted 2.

What's the difference between Limburger cheese and my friend Ted?

One is white and stinks, and the other is cheese. (As told to me by the UPS guy)

Minimum Jokes More Minimum Jokes

What do you call your mum who is shorter than you?

A minimum.

What do you call a small parent?

A minimum !