Job Jokes

Why couldn't Barbie get pregnant?

Because they cast Amy Schumer and Ken couldn't get the job done.

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What's awkward for a man but a normal part of the job for a lumberjack?

Morning wood.

What's the difference between my job and my boss's daughter?

I'm not coming into work today

Why did the worker on the egg farm get fired from his job?

Because he had a crack addiction.

Why was the programmer unhappy at his job?

He wanted arrays. It had to be reiterated several times before it was sorted out.

Why is Apple donating money to cancer research?

Cancer stole our jobs!"

What do you call a gynecologist who really loves his job?

Ovary Enthusiastic

Why did the snowman get fired from his job?

He was a snow call, snow show.

Why can't the man take his job seriously?

Because he's a clown! Buh bum tis

Why did the can crusher quit his job?

Because it was soda-pressing

Why did the can-crusher quit his job?

Because it was soda pressing.

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What did the scarecrow say when asked about his job?

This job isn't for everyone, but hay...it's in my jeans"

What did the sarcastic taximan say when he lost his job?

Oh well that's just uber, isn't it

Why was the distracted man fired from his job at the distillery?

Because he couldn't concentrate

Why don't the police protest against BLM?

Because they have jobs.

What job do you never stop training for?

Conductor

Why are miners always narcissistic?

Because they MINE as a job.

What is the most inappropriate thing to say to someone who just lost their job?

You had one job.

What did the duck do after he lost his wife, his job, and his house?

He became a quack head

What's the difference between your job and your wife?

Nobody does your job for you when you're out

Why did all the Black people move to Detroit?

Because they heard there were no jobs there.

What do you say to a black guy with a job?

Keep at it, inmate!

What do you call a Spanish matador who is not very good at his job?

I'd say he's fairly incapa .

Why did Rick Astley get fired from his job at the video store?

Because he refused to rent someone a copy of the Pixar flick "Up".

How do apply for a job at the NSA?

You make a private phone call to anyone else, and submit your application.

Why was the powerlifter fired from his job at the restaurant?

He was awesome at cleaning the bar, but he wouldn't stop jerking it.

Why did the programmer quit his job?

Because he didn't get arrays.

What's the difference between black people and cancer?

Cancer got Jobs

How can you see if a Hairdresser is not suitable for the job anymore?

He/she barely even cuts it anymore.

Why did I quit my job in Mexico?

It didn't peso well.

What's the difference between a degree in Theoretical Physics and a theoretical degree in Physics?

One is relevant and can get you a job. The other you went to university for.

What makes you qualified for this job?

Me: Because i work for less and good at licking. Mgmt: You're hired.

What does a geography graduate do with a lightbulb?

Not get a job.

Why cant a Gorilla get a job?

BECAUSE HE'S BLACK

Why do chemists love bad jokes?

Their jobs get a lot easier when there are no reactions

Why did the mathematician quit his job and join NASCAR?

They told him he was good at deriving

How does a neckbeard neurologist address a Hispanic midwife who can't quit her job?

M'doula obligada.

How many koalas does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Only one, given that he's koali-fied for the job.

Why was the midget fired from his job?

He came up short on his register.

Why did Ted get fired from his job?

Because he would only do the minimum?

Why are Plumbers always so tired?

Because their job is draining.

What's the difference between a hipster and a lumberjack?

The lumberjack has a job.

What's the worst way to lose your job?

By firing squad.

How is your job and your wife different?

I don't mind telling work the other jobs I've done

Why didn't Zeke get that job at the KFC off the interstate?

He thought they'd want to hear that back at the farm, he likes doin' chickens right also.

Why didn't the koala get a job?

He didn't have enough koalifications!

What job can you see yourself doing?

Inspecting mirrors

Why don't house painters wear wedding rings on the job?

Nobody wants to marry an underemployed alcoholic.

Why did the cow get a job at Google?

Because she was out standing in her field.

What do you call a farmer who is really good at his job?

A man who is outstanding in his field.

Why did the geologist quit his job?

His boss always took him for granite.

What do you call an oyster who can't find another job?

A clamboni driver!

What is the job of a gentleman pimp?

To Tally-hos!

What job pays you to shoot people but not harm them?

A photographer.

What did the rubber say when he was offered a job as the high school choir teacher?

I can't, I'm not a conductor." Pffffffhehewheheheheheh.

What do black people and Apple Inc. have in common?

They have no jobs

Why didn't the feminist get a job at the post office?

Because she refused to work in a mail dominated industry.

What's the difference between an Art major and a guy who mops bathrooms at KFC?

One has a job.

What do you say to a chav that has got a job?

Bigmac and fries please

When are they going to bring slavery back?

I am tired of looking for a job.

What's the difference between a black person and cancer?

Cancer got Jobs

Why did Holden Caulfield hate his job at Sprint?

He was surrounded by phone-ys!

Why did the man quit his job at the bakery?

He didn't knead any more dough.

What makes the scarecrow so good at his job?

He's outstanding in his field

What did one unemployed cancer cell say to the other?

Lets get Jobs!

Why did the French Hen give up her job?

One day she'd just had un uf.

What's the difference between cancer and a black guy?

Cancer can get jobs

What did one unemployed cancer cell say to the other unemployed cancer cell?

Let's get Jobs. Found in the comments of a post by

Why is the KKK a good place to find a job?

Cos they'll always hook a brutha up

What did the pope give up for lent?

His job.

What do chicks and jobs have in common?

They're usually only interest in you if you already have one.

Why can't bears get jobs in Australia?

They don't have the right koalfications!

Why does the can crusher hate his job?

Because it's soda pressing.

What job did the farmer give to his learning-disabled child?

Herder

How long does it take to for Mexicans to do a job?

Oh, wait they're done.

What did the tailor say after a job well done?

There is nothing left too loose.

Why didn't the bunny get the job as a marsupial?

He wasn't koalafied!

Why did the lead singer of Drowning Pool lose his job at Starbucks?

HE LET BISCOTTI HIT THE FLOOR

What do Apple and the US economy have in common now?

No Jobs

Why did the programmer get a job at the photographers?

They needed a developer.

What job do rabbits at hotels have?

Bellhop.

Why did the man quit his job at the helium gas factory?

He didn't like being spoken to in that voice

Why did the girl quit her job at the donut factory?

She was fed up with the hole business.

What do you call an NBA Superstar who's first job was stocking milk?

Legen-dairy*

Why you cannot think of landing a job or business without internet?

No connection

Why did the cyclops quit his job as a teacher?

He only had one pupil.

What did the hippy say when he was told to get off the couch and get a job?

Namaste (pronounced:nah I'ma stay)

Why did the man lose his job in a fruit packing firm?

He kept throwing the bent bananas away.

Why did you leave your last job?

I had a typo in a tweet. "Mistakes happen!" -I worked for Yahoo Finance. "Thanks for coming in. Bye"

What did you like most about your last job?

ME: *leans in way too close* Leaving it.

What does its job only after its been fired?

A bullet.

Why did the stoneworker get fired?

Because he took his job for granite I'll show myself out.

What do you call a Private Investigator who is bad at his job?

A Defective!

What's the difference between blacks and cancer cells?

Cancer cells can get Jobs.

What's your strongest trait?

My fingers. "No, like... Are you pinching me " GIVE ME fighting to maintain pinch THE JOB

Why does the farmer hate his job?

because he has a deep-seeded hatred for planting.

Why didn't the bullet have a job?

It got fired.

Why was a missile looking for a job?

Because it got fired!

Why don't astronauts keep their jobs very long?

Because as soon as they start they get fired.

Why did the doctor lose his job?

He lost his patience

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What do you call a man with no arms or legs... ... sitting at your door?

Matt. ...floating in your pool Bob. ...hanging on your wall Art. ... water skiing Skipper.

What was Bob the Builder called after he retired?

Bob.

Tell Jokes More Tell Jokes

What did Captain Kirk do when his girlfriend told him she had a defecation fetish?

William Shat-on-her

How can you tell when a politician is lying?

When their lips move

Watch Jokes More Watch Jokes

What were the Kamikaze Pilot's last words?

Watch this cause i'll only do it once."

What did the Mexican say when the house fell on him?

Ayyyy watch it homes!

Mind Jokes More Mind Jokes

What did the Zionist rabbi say when he heard about the plight of the Palestinian people?

Never mind their wailing. We'll just build more walls!

Why was the hamster a bad Supreme Court Justice?

Because his mind was always on a pellet.

Year Ago Jokes More Year Ago Jokes

Why frogs don't use Google?

They're angry since Froogle was discontinued years ago!

What did gangster Pooh said to gangster Tigger?

Tigga please!" Sorry, I heard it years ago. I don't remember where or when but I've just been saying alot lately. :p

Pay Jokes More Pay Jokes

Why'd the chicken cross The Road?

Because he wasn't paid the money he deserved.

What job pays you to shoot people but not harm them?

A photographer.

Jean Jokes More Jean Jokes

What causes a half-moon?

Student: When you can't get your jeans over your thighs.

What's the difference between a pair of jeans and an Ethiopian?

A pair of jeans only has one fly on it

Johnny Cash Jokes More Johnny Cash Jokes

What celebrity never payed with a cheque or credit?

Johnny Cash.

What do you call a condom full of money?

Johnny Cash.