Why did the geologist's wife leave him?

He was getting physical (first joke hope you like it)

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What do you call a bowl full of leaves and epileptics?

Seizure Salad.

What's the worst thing you can do to a blind man?

Leave the plunger in the toilet

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How long does it take a necrophiliac to screw in a light bulb?

Not long... they like to do it while it's still warm.

What do you call a duck that likes to steal?

A Robber Ducky!

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What do you call Stephen Hawking rolling away from an explosion?

Hot wheels (First joke, hope you like it.)

How do you make a Whiskey Sour?

Crush it's hopes and dreams.