Why did the vulture fly United Airlines?

Because they allow 1 free carrion

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Allow Jokes More Allow Jokes

Why isn't Barney the Dinosaur allowed to drive?

A: Because everybody knows -- tyrannosaurus wrecks.

Why'd the vulture check his bag?

The airline didn't allow carrion luggage.

Fly Jokes More Fly Jokes

What sort of aircraft does the Asian pilot who loves to greet people fly?

A herrocopter

Why can't cars fly kites?

Because of the windshield.

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How many pull-ups can you do?

Me: 22. Wife: How many with witnesses Me: Almost 1.

How many optometrists does it take to change a light bulb?

1 or 2? 1... or 2?