Why do you keep talking about my weight behind my back?

Husband: Because when I get round to the front I've forgotten what I was going to say

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Talk Jokes More Talk Jokes

What do you get when a deaf guy tries to talk to you at a urinal?

Wet

Why does noone listen ever to the guy who talks with his mouth full?

He is so misunderstood.

Forget Jokes More Forget Jokes

What's the best thing about having a girlfriend who is addicted to Starbucks?

You'll never forget her name.

Why are highly successful people named Mark always so depressed?

Because they can't stop hitting themselves. This joke came to me while I was half asleep this morning. I'm not sure how original it is. I probably heard some variation of it somewhere and have just forgotten. Any suggestions for improving it?

Husband Jokes More Husband Jokes

What did the raisin see when she came home early from work?

Her husband on a date.

How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?

A: Rename the mail folder to "instruction manuals"

Weight Jokes More Weight Jokes

How can you tell your boyfriend has gained weight?

You fit into his clothes.

How do witches lose weight?

They join weight witches.