Why would I want to quit smoking?

Oh, to live longer. Why would I want to live longer

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What's the hurry?

Me: Nothing officer - Just didn't want to slow you down. Cop: I was pulling you over. Me: Well I get that. Now.

Why did the cowboy die with his boots on ?

Because he didn't want to stub his toe when he kicked the bucket !

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What do you call someone with Down Syndrome who likes to smoke weed ?

A baked potato

What kind of weed do reptiles smoke?

Mariguana.

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What's something that's true, real and lives in the dirty south?

A Trillbilly!

How many people live in South America?

A Brazilian.

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Why did the geologist quit his job?

His boss always took him for granite.

Why did Jesus quit playing ice hockey?

He kept getting nailed to the boards.