How can you get four suits for under $2.00?

Buy a deck of cards.

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What kind of bug wants to buy lawn turf?

A gras shopper.

Where do military chaplains buy their regalia?

At the army surplice store.

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Which actor is best suited for a programmer role?

Dev Patel.

What do you say to a black man in a suit?

Will the defendant please rise."

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What's Irish and stays out on your deck?

Paddy O'furniture

What's Bernie Sanders favorite Christmas Carols?

deck the halls with boughs of free cash

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Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

Because the captain was standing on the deck! Aargh

Why didn't the dog play cards on his ocean cruise?

Because the captain stood on the deck.