How do you guys tweet from the toilet?

I poop with both hands.

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Poop Jokes More Poop Jokes

What do you say when a singer/songwriter poops on your car?

CELINE WUT R U DION

What do you call it when your Stepmother poops?

A Step-Stool

Toilet Jokes More Toilet Jokes

Why do men whistle when they're sitting on the toilet?

Because it helps them remember which end they need to wipe.

What's the worse thing to do to a blind person?

Leave a plunger in the toilet

Hand Jokes More Hand Jokes

How do you ask a priest to hand you the spaghetti?

Pasta pasta, pasta.

Why did the man break the clock?

He wasn't comfortable with having that much time on his hands.

Tweet Jokes More Tweet Jokes

What's it like to tweet "My cat sneezed" and get 500 RT in the first minute ?

My cat would be dead before I got 50

What did Jesus say when he made his return?

Hey guys! What's goin on Tweet my return! #JesusReturns"