Poop Jokes

Poop: Please don't push. It's already tight in here! Poop to Pee: May I go first? Meanwhile, Fart pushing everyone to the sides.. Fart: Excuse me! Excuse me! I need to go!

What did one poop say to the other poop?

You smell

Why do bears poop in the woods?

So nobody will see their bare (bear) bottom!

What did the poop say to the pee when he was hitting on her?

I may be a two but your an eight..

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What did the Baskin-Robbins manager say to the employee that wanted to date a co-worker?

Don't poop where you scoop.

Why couldn't the poop get flushed down the drain?

Because it was deterred.

What did Captain Picard call his poop?

Captain's log

What does a witch take when she can't poop?

Hexlax

What did Noah do with all the poop?

Threw it overboard. it formed the UK. Taken from here:

Who's there? Orange. Orange who?

Orange you glad I painfully waited until I was done cooking your food to take a poop?

How bad is it to poop your pants?

It Depends

What do you give and take at the same time?

a poop

What's the difference between a bucket of poop and a lawyer?

A bucket.

Where were you supposed to poop?

2-year-old: The potty. Me: So why didn't you 2: I'm too busy.

How do you guys tweet from the toilet?

I poop with both hands.

What do you call a notebook where you record information about your poops?

Some people may call it a log journal, while others call it a diary-a.

How do you fail a urine test with a clean sample?

Poop in the specimen cup.

What is a small, one story home made of poop called?

A dungalow

What do you call it when your Stepmother poops?

A Step-Stool

What's brown and rhymes with poop?

Snoop Dogg

What is it called when a hacker poops?

Logging out

What does Hulk say when he poops?

IBM!

What's the first rule here, boys?

Kid:Don't poop your pants M:I was gonna say "have fun" but...OK.

When you say you don't feel good "Are you pregnant?

people without kids "Do you have to poop " -people with kids

What do you call a sarcastic man who steps in poop?

Feces-tious

What do you call a poop that went to med school?

Dookie Howser

What do you say when a singer/songwriter poops on your car?

CELINE WUT R U DION

What if I have to poop?

D: Then you should go now. *awkward pause* "Thanks I feel better."

What does poop have in common with the Boston Rioters?

They're both revolting! *Baltimore. I clearly don't know my B-Cities.

When a seeing eye dog poops, who cleans it up?

This is the kind of stuff that makes my head hurt.

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What's the difference between a drummer and publicly traded stock?

Publicly traded stock will mature and make money.

Why women mature faster than men?

Because men start growing breasts only after 40 years old.

Thing Jokes More Thing Jokes

What did Tennessee?

the same thing Arkansas

What was the last thing that went through Lady Diana's head, moments before the crash?

Car battery

Poope Jokes More Poope Jokes

What do you call a conversation between two people who are pooping?

Chit-Shatting

How do you get out of an elephant?

Q: How do you get out of an elephant A: Turn around and around until you get all pooped out. (5 yo humor never gets old)

Side Jokes More Side Jokes

Why is being a politician more difficult than being a ventriloquist?

Ventriloquists have to be able to speak with their mouths closed. Politicians speak out of both sides of their mouths simultaneously.

Why do older polygons make sure their sides all stay an equal length?

It keeps you regular.

Write Jokes More Write Jokes

How did my doctor know I have minor IBS?

I just asked him to edit my essay and he said I have semi colon problems. He must be a smart guy if he can figure that out from my writing.

How many times should you check whether a sentence is written in English or Spanish?

Once.

Picture Jokes More Picture Jokes

Why not ask the guy who took that picture?

Just kidding, I ran over it.

How many sorority girls does it take to change a light bulb?

Six. One to change it, one to take pictures and four to make t-shirts for the event.

Conversation Jokes More Conversation Jokes

What does Facebook and a conversation between two teenagers have in common?

A lot of likes

What do you call it again where you think of a tweet while you're offline so you have to say it out loud?

Conversation

Push Jokes More Push Jokes

Why do the Lannisters have such big beds?

They push two twins together to make a king.

What do you get if you push a gypsy off a bike?

Your bike back