How does Sean Connery find his way to the toilet?

With a shat nav.

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Why are you calling me Grandpa?

Because I couldn't find it yesterday."

Why is Pizza Hut listed as your emergency contact?

Me: Because if things ever get crazy, they'll know where to find me.

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Why did the snooker player go to the toilet?

To pot the brown.

What is the best celebration to have in a French Toilet?

A biday party!!

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Why did the Chinese almost lose in Mulan?

They had way to many chinks in their armor.

Why did Nike release a vine of the "Back to the Future" Power Lace shoes??

Because the pictures were way to shaky......

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What time does Sean Connery get to the US Open?

Ten-ish

Where does Sean Connery keep his guns?

In the library of course. They're for shelf-defense.