How long have we had that pillow?

Wife: No idea Memory foam pillow: Two years, five months and two days

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Wife Jokes More Wife Jokes

How does the alchemist please his wife?

Elixir!!!!!

What's the difference between a wife and a dog?

The later you get home, the happier one is to see you

Day Jokes More Day Jokes

How was your first day of school?

5-year-old: Long. Me: I'm sure tomorrow will be better. 5-year-old: Wait, I have to go back

What did the Buffalo say to his son on the first day of school?

Bison.

Year Jokes More Year Jokes

What should you not gift a Syrian this year?

A drone

What's The Difference Between Santa and a Muslim?

Santa will be able to enter the united states next year!

Month Jokes More Month Jokes

What's the difference between an 18 year-old girl and a washing machine?

When you dump a load in the washer, it will not follow you around for two months.

What about Fox News?

They haven't shown a fox in months. (Craig Ferguson)

Idea Jokes More Idea Jokes

Why are blondes bad a judging distance?

They have no idea what 12 inches actually looks like. I for some reason could not find a way to phrase this any better. Credit to my coworker.

What did the ant whisper into the elephant's ear that made the elephant faint?

I'm going to be the mother of your children." I have no idea whether the joke is lost in translation...

Pillow Jokes More Pillow Jokes

What's worse than finding a horse's head on your pillow?

A: Realising the horse is alive and well and how much did I drink last night !

What do you call it when... You put a pillow on a stool?

You call it a stool softener cheesiest joke I made up