What did the asteroid say when his trajectory missed earth?

I guess I didn't plan it very well!"

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Miss Jokes More Miss Jokes

Why does the Coast Guard have ultraviolet lights?

To help them find missing sea men.

Where are the posters?

WIFE: THEY JUST DISAPPEARED! In other room *cat is furiously stuffing missing dog posters into paper shredder*

Earth Jokes More Earth Jokes

What could possibly make moviegoers forget about Will Smith's movie After Earth?

A Concussion.

Why is the banjo player a fiddle player's best friend?

A: Without him the fiddle would be the most hated instrument on earth.

Plan Jokes More Plan Jokes

What are your plans for Easter?

Husband: Same as Jesus.. Wife: What do you mean Husband:I will disappear on Friday and reappear on Monday!!

What do you want for your birthday this year?

Vanessa: I want a divorce! Kobe: I wasn't planning on spending that much this year. Here's another ring.

Guess Jokes More Guess Jokes

What letter do pirates guess most often on Wheel of Fortune?

T. Modern pirates are most likely based in Somalia, and T is the most common consonant in the Somali Latin alphabet.

What's the reason my shower isn't working?

You have only one second to guess the answer. No pressure.

Asteroid Jokes More Asteroid Jokes

What type of dinosaurs roamed the Mediterranean before the asteroid hit?

Falafel Raptors. (sorry)

Why are they called hemorrhoids?

Because asteroids was already taken.