What did the pirate say when his kids were about to watch their favorite cartoon?

ARE YE READY KIDS !

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What did Lochte say after his teammates told the police what really happened?

and I would have gotten away with it if it weren't for you medaling kids!"

Why couldn't a kid watch a pirate movie?

Because it was rated R.

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What does all pirate music have in common?

It's all played in the high C's.

What's the difference between a pirate and a necrophiliac?

I'm not sure, but they both go out with shovels to find the booty.

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Why couldn't the orphan watch the movie?

Because it was PG

What do you call a belt made out of watches?

A waist of time...