What does a philosopher put his/her food on?

A contemplate

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What did the philosopher say to his coworker?

Cleanup on the detergent aisle"

What do you call a philosopher that kind of wants to play soccer?

Socrates

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What do you get when you cross a dyslexic, agnostic and an insomniac?

A person who stays up all night contemplating the existence of dog.

What does a philosopher put his/her food on?

A contemplate