Why couldn't the philosopher make a living?

He made no sense. I tried, I really did.

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Try Jokes More Try Jokes

Why can't you try someone for grave digging?

Because it was found on the ground.

How's the baby?

Me: He keeps trying to shove socks thru the mail slot. Wife: Aw. His socks or yours Me: Socks is the neighbor's cat..

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Why are people so sad in Ferguson?

Because they live in misery

Why is Santa Claus so jolly?

He knows where all the naughty girls live. I actually heard this in the video game LA Noire. Thought it was pretty funny so I bust it out every Christmas.

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Why are we here?

Me: Philosophers still don't know 5: No, why are we HERE Wife: Your dad is lost and won't ask for directions

What do you get when you cross a philosopher, an insomniac and a dyslexic?

A guy who stays up all night wondering if there's a dog. Infinite Jest, by DFW

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Why didn't Darth Vader make it as a stand up comic?

Fans thought his sense of humor was a little too on the dark side.

What is another term for ob gyn?

A Klingon! since obstetrician gynaecologist is too long, and OB GYN doesn't make sense ,lets call them Klingons