What if I draw a peanut on her napkin?

Wife: Please go wait in the car

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Wife Jokes More Wife Jokes

What did you get me for Mother's Day?

3-year-old: A cake. Wife: Where is it 3: You haven't made it yet.

How long have we had that pillow?

Wife: No idea Memory foam pillow: Two years, five months and two days

Car Jokes More Car Jokes

Why does pasta always have to pay so much for car insurance?

Because it can't drive a car without making it all denty.

When driving through fog what should you use?

A: Your car.

Draw Jokes More Draw Jokes

What is it called when an unborn baby dies in a horse-drawn sleigh?

A mis-carriage

Why can't fashion designers play uno?

Because they always draw a cardigan.

Wait Jokes More Wait Jokes

How do feminists screw in a lightbulb?

By holding the bulb up to the socket and waiting for the world to revolve around them EDIT: Rip inbox EDIT 2: Thanks for the gold!

What did the sheep obsessed convict say to Jared Fogle?

I have a footlong waiting for **ewe** back in my cell!!!!

Peanut Jokes More Peanut Jokes

Why did the circus animals go on strike?

The elephants found out that they were being paid peanuts compared to the rest of the troupe and the ringleader was taking the lions share.

What do you call a peanut with a cold?

Cashew! she was so proud of herself for making me laugh with this one.

Napkin Jokes More Napkin Jokes

What do you call a sleepy Tumblr user?

Napkin.

What will you call a person who sleeps next to a close relative?

A) NapKin