What is the best way to watch the "Saw" films?

In bits and pieces.

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What happened when the two lovers were watching a scary movie in a year when Valentine's day happened to fall on Friday the 13th?

Oh wait, nevermind. I'm an idiot...*

How do you fix a womans watch?

You dont. There is a clock on the oven.

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What do you call the outer edge of a piece of bread that has been toasted?

Crusty

What do you call a chicken with a piece of lettuce on its face?

Chicken Caesar salad.

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What is a good way to describe a tailor that refuses to make clothing for nuns?

Non-habit forming

What's the best way to get a youthful figure?

ANSWER: Ask a woman her age.

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Why is the network engineer sad?

Because his career is in bits.

What denomination are the coins in Super Mario Bros?

They're dollar coins, because a quarter is two bits, which means a dollar is 8 bits.