What is the difference between your mom and Kim Kardashian?

One is a dirty whore and the other is Kim Kardashian.

This joke may have profanity.

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What's the difference between a waitress and your mom?

A waitress leaves me alone after I give her the tip.

What's the difference between a man and a woman?

A woman wants a man who can satisfy all her needs. A man wants all women who can satisfy his needs.

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What are you going to be for Halloween dad?

me: Drunk 9: What's mom gonna be me: Mad

Why is my mom always right about everything?

Because she said so and that's final.

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What do Kim Kardashian and Hurricane Sandy have in common?

They will both blow the entire east coast just to get on TV.

What is Kim Kardashian's favorite hockey team?

The Chicago Blackhawks