What is the time ?

2nd Roman Soldier: XX past VII !

This joke may have profanity.

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What animal do I respect most?

The octopus. I have no idea what to do with my hands most of the time, and I only have two of them.

What time does a mechanic wake up?

Oily!

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What did the roman soldier say after crucifying Jesus?

Nailed it

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What is that son of yours doing these days ?

2nd Monster: He's at medical school. 1st Monster: Oh what's he studying 2nd Monster: Nothing they're studying him!

Why does it take longer to get from 1st to 2nd base, than it does to get from 2nd to 3rd base?

Because there’s a Shortstop in between!