What's black and found at the top of a stair case?

Stephen Hawking after a house fire.

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What kind of a fish do you always find on a beach?

A dead one...

What did the neckbeard wizard use to find his way around Hogwarts?

M'rauders Map

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What's Stephen Hawking's favorite meal?

His shoulder.

What do you get when you have Tiger Woods, Stephen Hawking, and Dwayne Johnson in the same room?

An Animal, a Vegetable, and a Mineral.

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What do scientists and vegetables have in common?

Stephen Hawking

What vegetable is a bug most afraid of?

Stephen Hawking