Hawk Jokes

Who has the fastest brain in the world?

Steven Hawking with a brake failure!

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Why is Stephen Hawking successful?

He can't run away from his responsibilities.

What's black and sits on top of a staircase?

Stephen Hawking in a house fire.

What vegetable is a bug most afraid of?

Stephen Hawking

Whats black and sits at the top of the stairs?

Stpehen hawking after a house fire.

What do scientists and vegetables have in common?

Stephen Hawking

What will ESPN talk about if both the Hawks and Rockets make it to the NBA final?

The NHL playoffs

What's the best vegetable to bring to a party?

Stephen Hawking

Why is Stephen Hawking so controversial?

He never changes his position.

What has a tongue, cannot walk, but gets around a lot?

Steven Hawking

Why do chinesse make such terrible Estate agents?

Because non of the customers are ever comfortable with the idea of buying a house with a Hawk in the closet.

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Where are you?

I said to watch him like a hawk! ME: soaring 20m above w/ a beakful of mice I AM

What if Stephen hawking was the real slim shady?

but we would never know because he couldn't stand up

What's black and found at the top of a stair case?

Stephen Hawking after a house fire.

What's burnt to a crisp and at the top of the stairs?

Stephen Hawking after a house fire.

What did the Australian say to the hawk?

Good eye!

What has hands but can't clap?

Stephen Hawking

What's black and is on top of the stairs?

Stephen Hawking after a housefire.

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World Jokes More World Jokes

Did you hear the story about the cheese that saved the world?

It was legend dairy.

What is the biggest ant in the world ?

An elephant !

Rosie O'donnell Jokes More Rosie O'donnell Jokes

How do you get Amy Schumer, Rosie O'donnell and Lena Dunham to move to Canada?

Piece of cake.

What Does Stephen Hawking have in common with Rosie O'Donnell?

Neither of them has anything going on below the waist.

Shoulder Jokes More Shoulder Jokes

How did they know Christa McAuliffe had dandruff?

They found her head and shoulders on the beach

Why doesn't Stephen Hawking need a wife?

Because he has his own shoulder to cry on. Edit: all credit goes to /u/Earleebird who posted it in a comment in /r/oldschoolcool

Long Day Jokes More Long Day Jokes

What drink does a cannibal have after a long day?

a handshake!

Where did the meteorologist stop for a drink on the way home from a long day in the studio?

The nearest ISOBAR!!

Bug Jokes More Bug Jokes

What's the difference between a bug and an insect?

Judging by Table 5's reactions, not a lot.

Why don't other bugs like earwigs ?

Because they are always earwigging their conversations !

Repair Jokes More Repair Jokes

How does the Ultimate Warrior repair his car?

With parts unknown.

What do you call a crow who repairs time pieces?

A bird watcher.

Room Jokes More Room Jokes

What room is missing from almost every house?

a Mushroom

What do Michael Jackson and Santa have in common?

They both leave little boys rooms with lighter sacks.

Stair Jokes More Stair Jokes

What do you call a snobbish thief walking down the stairs?

A condescending con descending.

What do you call an arrogant prisoner walking down the stairs?

Condescending. )