What's it like to have a social life?

Asking for a friend.

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What did the guy who didn't like vegetables say?

I don't really carrot all for vegetables."

What do you call a smart knife?

Cleaver! EDIT: Also Sharp, knew about this one but I like Cleaver better.

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What's the difference between sarcasm and a serious statement?

What're you asking me for I have Asperger's.

What would you like?

ME:What would YOU like W:Excuse me M:No one ever asks you, do they W:*tearing up* No.. they don't. Thank you.

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What did the snail say when his friend lost his car?

Where did Es-car-go.

Why do trees have so many friends?

They branch out