What's the true meaning of a New Years resolution?

Something you do for the first week of the new year.

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What's the difference between the jokes from today and next week's jokes?

The posters.

What's the difference between your mom and a washing machine?

If I dump a load in a washing machine it doesn't follow me around for the next few weeks.

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What's a priests least favorite thing about New Years?

The balls drop.

How does an Alzheimer's patient celebrate New Years?

Kissing strangers.

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What's the true meaning of a New Years resolution?

Something you do for the first week of the new year.

What do gamers make for New Years?

A New Years RESOLUTION

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How does Times Square start the new year?

By having Mariah Carey drop the ball! "The audience can sing this one."

Why wasn't the pediatrician impressed with the new year's eve Times Square ball drop?

Because he has seen plenty of balls drop. (Sorry)