What's worse than having a screaming child on your hands?

Having half a screaming child on your hands.

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Hand Jokes More Hand Jokes

What do you get when you have one pinion nut in one hand, and two pinion nuts in another?

A difference of a pinion!

What makes an ideal present for a monster?

Five pairs of gloves one for each hand.

Scream Jokes More Scream Jokes

What's the difference between a kid and a drawer?

A drawer won't scream when I force my junk into it.

What's 18 inches and makes women SCREAM?

A stillborn.

Half Jokes More Half Jokes

What has two legs and bleeds profusely?

What has two legs and bleeds profusely? Half a cat

What do you call a half Mexican half Japanese jedi master?

Obi Juan Shinobi