What's worse than having a screaming child on your hands?

Having half a screaming child on your hands.

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Hand Jokes More Hand Jokes

How Many Marshawn Lynches Does it Take to Change a Lightbulb?

Only one. Just as long as you hand him the damn lightbulb.

What does the Pope use to dry his hands?

Papal towels.

Scream Jokes More Scream Jokes

Why couldn't anyone hear Hellen Keller scream?

She was wearing mittens.

Why did Raggedy Anne get kicked out of the toybox?

She kept sitting on Pinocchio's face and screaming "Lie to me! Lie to me!!!"

Half Jokes More Half Jokes

How did my operation go Doc?

Dr What Dr Omg I've only got half a colon

What's black and dosent work?

Half of London