What was your worst day?

When I had diarrhea.

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What was your worst day?

When I had diarrhea.

How can you tell a woman is having a bad day?

She has a tampon behind her ear and can't find her cigarette

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Why do they thank me in the cafeteria when I pay for my food like I had a choice?

Just tell me "enjoy the diarrhea" and I'll move along.

What's the difference between driving a car on an empty tank of gas and having diarrhea?

One you're running on fumes, the other you're fuming with the runs.