Why did Jesus deactivate his Instagram account?

Because he only had 12 followers.

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How do you know Jesus loves Japanese food?

Because he said he loves miso.

Which gospel contains Jesus' parable about the shades of numbers?

Math hue.

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How many seconds are there in one year?

12 of them: January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd, April 2nd, May 2nd, June 2nd, July 2nd, August 2nd, September 2nd, October 2nd, November 2nd, December 2nd.

Why was 11 afraid of 12?

Because 12 13 14!

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What's the best way to be on Instagram and in life?

Selfless

What is a heroin addict's favorite website?

Instagram.

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Why did Jesus deactivate his Instagram account?

Because he only had 12 followers.

What's the difference between a hipster and a homeless man?

An Instagram account.