Why did Jesus deactivate his Instagram account?

Because he only had 12 followers.

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Which gospel contains Jesus' parable about the shades of numbers?

Math hue.

Why did Jesus have a six pack?

It was from all the cross-training...

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Why is 12 the highest number rednecks can count to?

How else would they know how many cans are in a 12 pack.

How many polaks does it take to kidnap a child?

A: 12. One to kidnap the child and the remaining 11 to write a ransom letter.

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How heavy is a hipster?

One thousand instagrams

How much does a hipster weigh?

An instagram.

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Why did Jesus deactivate his Instagram account?

Because he only had 12 followers.

What's the difference between a hipster and a homeless man?

An Instagram account.