Why did Shakespeare refuse to join the army?

He didn't like the phrase fire at will!

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What do you call making your booty clap for likes and upvotes?

Social netwerking

When people go to ask me "hey man, are you from Los Angeles?

I'll be like "nah dude,I just really like the french feminine definite article"

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Why shouldn't you join Alcoholics Anonymous on Thanksgiving?

Because all they serve is cold turkey.

What is the main reason people are voting for Brexit?

When asked if they want to be economically joined with Greece, all they can say is "eeeeuuuuuuu"

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What military branch has the largest biceps?

The Army.

What did they tell the burger who enlisted in the Army?

You've got no beef soldier!

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What did Shakespeare spread on his toast?

Blue Sonnet

What is Shakespeare's favourite writing utensil?

I don't know, but it was either 2B or not 2B.

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Why did the airport luggage checker refuse to date the depressed man?

he had to much baggage

Why does Mike Tyson refuse to buy playstation ?

Because he is an x-boxer