Why did the marble countertop leave the kitchen?

It was tired of being taken for granite.

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What does a ship weigh when she leaves for a journey?

Anchor.

What do you call a person who is missing his left eye, left ear, left arm and left leg?

Alright.

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What was the under-appreciated, often-exploited kitchen contractor's complaint?

I'm always taken for granite!

Why did the stoneworker get fired?

Because he took his job for granite I'll show myself out.

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Who's to blame?

The motorist. He really shouldn't be driving in the kitchen. (Edit: formatting)

How many black guys does it take to cook chicken?

None. Blacks belong in the fields, woman belong in the kitchen.