Why do people buy expensive rims?

they're investing in wheel estate.

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Whats the month people get most drunk in?

Febrewery

What do you call something that makes fun of people and can fly?

A mocking bird!

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Where does monty python buy his water?

From the knights Da-sa(y)-NI! This joke is best delivered verbally.

How do Vampires buy pants if they can't look in a mirror?

Now, I tweet them

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Why did the chef invest in chicken and cow bones?

He wanted to buy stock options.

Why is everyone investing in Ireland?

because the capital is always Dublin!