Why don't kleptomaniacs get jokes?

Because they take everything literally.

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What's the difference between a kid and a joke?

A kid can joke but a joke cannot kid.

What's the difference between hiring a team to write your jokes, and the team of joke writers itself?

One's a cunning plan, the others a punning clan.

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Why don't kleptomaniacs get puns?

Because they always take things literally.

Why is it so hard to explain metaphors to a kleptomaniac?

Because they always take things... Literally