Why should you never mention the number 288?

Because it's two gross! (A gross is a measurement unit for "144". So 2 * 144 = 288. Or "two gross".)

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How can you tell, with 100% certainty, that no intelligent alien life exists that we know of?

Because if it did, we'd have sent foreign aid by now.

How many Irishmen does it take to change a lightbulb?

One. He is drunk, and he tells the bulb to screw itself.

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What did Samsung Galaxy S 5 say to the iPhone 6?

Get bent" I hope you guys like this joke. I just came up with it.

What falls faster from a tree, a leaf or an Emo?

The leaf, the Emo is too depressed to go outside. I saw this joke reposted so many times. I figured I'd mix it up a bit.

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What did the naturalist say when he saw a number of rocks covered in moss?

I'm lichen what I see"

What do you call a number that won't sit still?

A roamin' numeral. :P

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What do you call a crowd-sourced internet database for turntables?

Wiki-Wiki-Wikipedia

What would Santa Claus be called if he had no hands?

Canta Plaus.

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Which kind of ink do you put in your computer's printer?

Black Red or Iced Iced Ink Well yes you do but I didn't want to mention it.

How are 4chan and Tumblr alike?

They usually announce a trigger warning before mentioning a school shooting