Why would you be scared to get Ebola?

You haven't left your couch since 2011.

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Leave Jokes More Leave Jokes

What's the first thing a woman does after leaving spousal abuse therapy?

The dishes, if she knows what's good for her!

Why did the investment banker leave her husband?

She was losing interest.

Couch Jokes More Couch Jokes

What did the couch say to the armchair?

Don't worry, I pull out.

What does a dirty hippie say after you ask him to get off your couch?

Namaste

Ebola Jokes More Ebola Jokes

What do you call a paraplegic with Ebola?

A parabola.

Why is Africa so bad at cricket?

Because they only have Ebola!